
It's new Gizmo time again!, doesn't seem long since the last one :-(
The occasional jottings of an old bloke who still thinks he's " A Small Child "




Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show...
(owner hits the cage)
Owner: There, he moved!
Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
(pause)
Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.
Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Owner: I got a slug.
(pause)
Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Mr. Praline: Well.
(pause)
Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
So . . . . naturally I've had to replace it to satisfy the Wonderful Apple Time Machine that resides on the iMac.
It's successor is the Iomega Minimax 1Tb external Hard Drive.
I hope it's a bit more reliable than the Maxtor!

I've got the Touch!, 'couldn't resist the blighter - just a little electronic marvel. Mind you, I did have the decency to wait 'till after Christmas in case somebody gave me one.
It's now steadily filling with all sorts of apps, some great, some not but it's just fun (or as Apple puts it "The Funnest iPod of all!")
As you can see below I can blog from anywhere using a neat bit of iPod software, I'm reading most of my Mail before I get out of bed along with the weather and The Independant.
In fact apart from meals and ablutions I might as well stay under the covers 'till Spring :-)
http://www.macdailynews.com/index.php/weblog/comments/8509/







they did back then and, as a result, the water is much cleaner. The other factor may be that there is less river traffic now, Hire fleets are smaller and there are less of them. It's become an expensive holiday to hire a large cruiser for six or eight people now and a holiday abroad can be cheaper.

The unique approach by Nintendo in incorporating an interactive remote that describes its own position in space to the console and enables the player to interact with the TV screen by playing games and "sports" in a way that wasn't previously possible. The Wii Sports software provided free with the kit incorporates Ten Pin Bowling and the control provided by the remote gives a very passable impression of the real thing - bringing back memories of my youth in the bowling alleys of Sheffield. The more you practice the better you get, direction control and spin application are skills that can be developed - along with a modicum of physical exercise (just like the real thing my legs were tortured for a day or two at first). There is also a fitness section which presents you with small snippets of several physical activities and measures your input. My first efforts fully reflected my age group but I've recently improved to a 40 year old! - I'm liking Wii even more :-)
Now I've succumbed and bought my first "proper" game - Super Mario Galaxy - one of the latest from Nintendo and hailed as one of the best, time will tell if my enthusiasm is still undiminished in a month or so.
It seems the sales of Nintendo Wii units have outsold the combined efforts of Sony (Playstation) and Microsoft (X-Box) over the last few months so that must say something!