The image was tweaked in Topaz Simplify (hence the title), which is a Lightroom plugin that enables an image to be manipulated in many ways - including "arty" effects like pencil sketch and watercolour effects.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Stirling Castle Simplified!
The image was tweaked in Topaz Simplify (hence the title), which is a Lightroom plugin that enables an image to be manipulated in many ways - including "arty" effects like pencil sketch and watercolour effects.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
From My Bed
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Living in the Conservatory!!
Imagine it (if you can). Every spare bit of space in the house crammed with kitchen content. The constant use of only two cups, plates, bowls and knives & forks repeatedly washed and dried in the downstairs loo. Breakfast in a conservatory already bulging with plants now supplemented with an ejected gas cooker, part of the previous worktop perched on the dining table serving as the new hub of meal activity. The luxury of a dinner at the local Brewer's Fare is the highlight of the week.
Sleep deprivation on a gargantuan scale - tradesmen arriving at silly times like 8-30 in the morning ( a time unknown to me since retirement eons ago), the repeated hourly tea mashing ceremony to satisfy their thirst coupled with the new experience of Smooth FM accompanied by the occasional, loud warbleings of the fame-starved plumber/electrician/gas fitter.
The end of June can't come soon enough!
Friday, February 06, 2009
Snow!! - like it used to be

Here in sunny Carlton we don't get snow, or at least we haven't had a decent drop since moving here in '83.
This brings the memories of my Sheffield childhood back, late nights in the dark sledging down main road hills without any traffic, chilblains and steaming socks in front of a coal fire.
The kids round here under the age of 6 won't have seen anything like this and are out in force making huge snowballs and being a nuisance to old folk who resent not having a sledge anymore :-(
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Terror Bite!
A customer enters a pet shop.
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show...
(owner hits the cage)
Owner: There, he moved!
Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
(pause)
Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.
Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Owner: I got a slug.
(pause)
Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Mr. Praline: Well.
(pause)
Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
So . . . . naturally I've had to replace it to satisfy the Wonderful Apple Time Machine that resides on the iMac.
It's successor is the Iomega Minimax 1Tb external Hard Drive.
I hope it's a bit more reliable than the Maxtor!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
You Knew I Would!

I've got the Touch!, 'couldn't resist the blighter - just a little electronic marvel. Mind you, I did have the decency to wait 'till after Christmas in case somebody gave me one.
It's now steadily filling with all sorts of apps, some great, some not but it's just fun (or as Apple puts it "The Funnest iPod of all!")
As you can see below I can blog from anywhere using a neat bit of iPod software, I'm reading most of my Mail before I get out of bed along with the weather and The Independant.
In fact apart from meals and ablutions I might as well stay under the covers 'till Spring :-)
http://www.macdailynews.com/index.php/weblog/comments/8509/
Blogging from under the quilt!
So I can now compose from anywhere within range of the home network, or out and about in public wi-fi areas.
Cool!
So it's after midnight and I'm in bed blogging :-).
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Meercat Study
The Meercat is a very endearing creature. In spite of being the star of many a wildlife safari on the telly, it has a capacity to always fascinate people. This particular animal was photographed at Chester Zoo and seemed totally preoccupied with skygazing. I think that he was actally on lookout duty while the rest of the family snoozed.
Canon 40D with 70-200 f4L, hand held.
Flock Testing!
I've successfully used it on Photobucket so now I'm trying it here.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Watch This!


Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I've Got A Tattoo!!



Saturday, August 09, 2008
The G9 is Mine!
Monday, August 04, 2008
Back From A Broad!

Not really abroad but the Norfolk Broads. We've just spent two great weeks cruising just about the entire Norfolk broad map.

they did back then and, as a result, the water is much cleaner. The other factor may be that there is less river traffic now, Hire fleets are smaller and there are less of them. It's become an expensive holiday to hire a large cruiser for six or eight people now and a holiday abroad can be cheaper.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
I Just Love See-Through Gizmos!
I wish my Canon EOS40D had a transparent casing. I can't get enough of those little circuit boards and capacitors. I think it all stems from my teenage years when transistor radio kits were just coming in and you could build your own. That lovely smell of hot solder and plastic covered wiring . . . I suppose it's not really practical 'cos I've just realized that a see-through case would let the light in all the time and spoil the show altogether . . . pity.

Monday, March 03, 2008
Health Warning!!
Sunday, March 02, 2008
I may be retired, but I'm cutting edge . . .
The unique approach by Nintendo in incorporating an interactive remote that describes its own position in space to the console and enables the player to interact with the TV screen by playing games and "sports" in a way that wasn't previously possible. The Wii Sports software provided free with the kit incorporates Ten Pin Bowling and the control provided by the remote gives a very passable impression of the real thing - bringing back memories of my youth in the bowling alleys of Sheffield. The more you practice the better you get, direction control and spin application are skills that can be developed - along with a modicum of physical exercise (just like the real thing my legs were tortured for a day or two at first). There is also a fitness section which presents you with small snippets of several physical activities and measures your input. My first efforts fully reflected my age group but I've recently improved to a 40 year old! - I'm liking Wii even more :-)
Now I've succumbed and bought my first "proper" game - Super Mario Galaxy - one of the latest from Nintendo and hailed as one of the best, time will tell if my enthusiasm is still undiminished in a month or so.
It seems the sales of Nintendo Wii units have outsold the combined efforts of Sony (Playstation) and Microsoft (X-Box) over the last few months so that must say something!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Test Post from Mac Widget on desktop
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Talking of Big Macs

. . i've got one!!, not the lovely squidgy-munchy thing I'm only allowed after I've just had major surgery (see below) . . but the lovely cool aluminium and glass one piece iMac super computer that Apple designed along with the iPod and iPhone.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007
A Tale Of Two Bypasses
The Northern General provided me with new culinary experiences, probably top of the list is for the first time in my life I experienced the real fear of starvation. This was propagated by several consecutive days of eating next to nothing!
I realise that the anaesthetic process suppresses the appetite for a day or so but I know mine had returned when the morning cornflakes took on a gastronomic aura.
Meals were organised in advanced by filling in a tick-box list for the next day's lunch and evening meals.
Anything hot arrived incognito - being securely hidden from the eager feeder's view until the very last minute by a plastic lid, a cunning device allowing the provider to be away and out of (polite volume) earshot across the ward. Cold items usually sandwiches or salads were either packed in label-obscuring plastic boxes or, in the case of a salad, hidden beneath a mound of lettuce leaves.
I sampled the "Egg" salad. Beneath the near-impenetrable leaves was the following:
1 tomato cut in half, 4 slices of cucumber and 5 slices of a very small hard-boiled egg (only 3 of which had any signs of a yolk). That was it! I just longed for a spot of simple salad cream or a little grated carrot to stir a glimmer of interest.
My ward-mates shared these experiences with the same horror. Barry's 2 piece lemon sponge trapped inside a lidded pot that clung to it's miserable life by piece{A} being so hard as to provide gavel duty when someone auctioned off an edible rarity and piece {B} steadfastly refusing to leave the nest in spite of prising with the (grubby) cutlery. A pot of soup eagerly awaited by Ray (who hadn't eaten for 2 days) was fridge-cold. Try a beef sandwich, one slice of bread /one thin slice of reformed beef /one slice of bread. Vegetable curry and rice, bear in mind here that the ward was hot enough to reduce a Flora pack to liquid in 5 minutes, consisted of a glutinous mound of diced veg starting to crust over which was so hot (chemically) as to take what little breath was available coupled with a heap of rice dry enough to totally dehydrate the fittest patient in half an hour.
By the 5th night of my 6 I was having not only food nightmares in my very limited sleep sessions, but could think of nothing else during waking hours. I watched all the cookery programs on the TV with the firm belief I would never live long enough to enjoy a decent meal again.
Toast was to be my saviour. It was served before bedtime every night with butter/jam along with a cuppa. On the sixth night the waiting was unbearable. I had hideous thoughts that for some reason it wouldn't arrive - a bread strike, a work to rule in the kitchens, don't serve toast on a Monday because it offends some remote Afghan hill tribe, whatever.
Imagine my relief when that familiar trundling sound was heard and the now universal clapping and cheering got nearer and nearer. I had 6 slices that night.
During the food delerium periods I had a repeated fantasy of devouring a Big Mac and fries in the car park of the Worksop Branch on my way home. I believed then and still now that this kept what little sanity I had left.
It's about 8 hours since we made that little diversion down the Worksop Bypass to McDonalds and consumed what I now consider the finest meal of my life, (can't remember the last time I had one)
Moral, take salad cream, sandwich pickle and cutlery and enjoy your bypasses!
p.s. 30/04/2009
I'm fine now and mentally able to point you in this direction for further delights in the hospital food category: here



