Me ? . . . getting a proper 'phone???

I was talked into it, honest.  If you know me you wouldn't believe it either.  I have trouble talking to meself let alone other folks.  A solitary quiet life without unnecessary conversation suits me fine.
So what is it about an iPhone that's brought about this momentous event?

IT'S PROBABLY THE GREATEST GADGET EVER INVENTED BY MAN!!

Whilst it may not be the very latest Apple iPhone, it has :
 1)  802.111b/g/n Wi-Fi
 2)  Bluetooth 4.0 wireless
 3)  Assisted GPS and GLONASS satellite positioning (GLONASS is the Russian GPS system)
 4)  Digital compass
 5) Retina (hi-res) display
 6) 8 megapixel camera - f2.4 aperture / 5 element lens / Panorama / Geotagging
 7) 1080p HD video recording with stabilisation
 8) Siri - Intelligent Assistant
 9) Three-axis gyro
10) Accelerometer
11) Proximity sensor
12) Ambient light sensor

Now that is a GADGET, who needs 3G, 4G or whatever is the latest and best phone network?
Don't need the phone bit, the rest of the stuff will keep me happy for ever.

The iPhone 4s

And, of course, I have to have a look inside